Love and Romance, etc.
A Free Newsletter for romance novel lovers
By Bonnie Williams
10 Secrets About Men Click Here
Creating Intense Attraction With A Man
By Christian Carter
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive man... but the more she got to
know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him... and the more
time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep
emotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem.
As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe
that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past
the “friendship” stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him...
and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or
emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little
while.
But something was wrong with the picture.
He just wasn't acting
like a man who was “falling in love”. He
was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend
would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her
and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself
off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that
amplified itself... and the more insecure she became, the more afraid
she grew of “screwing
things up” or “scaring him off”,
by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and
why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to
spend with her.
After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman
finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT,
that he would feel the same way.
So she made a bold move.
She TOLD HIM how she felt.
She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with
him.
He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with
her, and they even kissed and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call her and wasn't really
“available” to her.
This only confused the woman more.
She didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that he
really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he
wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that he
didn't love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?
Did it mean that she
hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she
needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she
felt?
She finally decided that she couldn't go on like this anymore... she
had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with
him... so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him
a letter... again confessing her feelings.
And then, something unthinkable happened.
Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical
level for a brief time, but then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before
reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I'll try
to give you a call soon, I have to go”... and hung up... but
she never got a call back.
Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand
what went wrong... and what happened.
THE END...
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heartwarming, huh?
I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up writing romance
novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a
MYTH.
But I'm not talking about
FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story
that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you
can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for some women?
Because lots of women
have been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and
many have been there OFTEN in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power, is the
powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful
negative experiences that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE me.
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND
and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a solution.
It lies in understanding
a SECRET that lots of WOMEN DON'T GET.
That secret comes down to
the reality that if a man isn't ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her
attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her,
BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK; they actually make things
WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man
LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.
They make him run.
All of those great intentions and emotional dedication actually cause
the woman feeling them, to do things that make the man go away.
It sucks!
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes place inside
dating situations and new relationships without women (or men) really
being aware of it, and understanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you,
that I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand what's going on a little better,
if you think about what it's like when a man you're NOT attracted to,
desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of
his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to
get away.
Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things about yourself and
how he feels about you?
Strange and interesting...
Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always
understand the message that we're communicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that
others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top sexy and wears way
to much make-up?
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don't think that her
appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it
is”...?
Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:
If you do something to “let a man know how you
feel” ... but he isn't open to the situation at that time, or
he isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I like to call the
“Instant Ewww”.
The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the
physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a man feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he'll start
behaving differently.
In short, he'll back off or even disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the “Instant
Ewww”?
I got it from watching WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word
“Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy
that was “confessing his love”... and of course,
these were guys that weren't loved in return by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they're not attracted to.
Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let the
attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create what is often
an unconscious barrier in their mind, that closes off communication or
contact with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what's happening as any
ATTRACTION and interest he might have felt, evaporates.
So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?
And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who was trying to be
nice... a woman who was giving him attention, a gift or telling him how
she feels?
Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you'll realize that
the moment you do something to “confess”, you've
created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, men know when they are getting some “special
attention” from a woman.
And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing him and talking about how you
feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that can be VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him
even more detached from his emotions.
Here's the thing...
You can't “make a man like you”
or “change how
he feels about you”, by doing nice things for
him.
Doing “nice” things for a man who isn't attracted
to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the
“Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he'll
perhaps NEVER like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way.
They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they're
doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it, because they don't
have an understanding of ATTRACTION.
I mean, if you have a friend and you like them, and you want to make
them like you more... and you do some nice things for them, they will
probably like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic
way, and he doesn't “feel it” for you, and you do
something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will
BACKFIRE... and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most
likely distance himself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a
man... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes
like this:
Like him>Tell him
you like him>He likes you
Well, remember... if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who
aren't already ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.
If he's not into you,
then it goes like THIS:
He thinks of you as a
friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the
“Instant Ewwws” and withdraws...
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer, is what to do if you're in a situation where you like
a particular guy, but you don't know if he likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you
think about him or write him a love letter...
Don't send him a note to his work that says, “From your
secret admirer”.
Don't call him several times, without hearing from him.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR
LOVE for him.
If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM
and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing
the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to
find out how he feels... and if you don't know how to read and create
those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a man if he's interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are
“his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that
his attraction and interest in you will grow.
Really.
The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular situation in the
FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why men have the
physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?
I thought you'd never ask...
Well, I've written about attraction before and I'll write about it
again.
In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways to learn how to
make man feel ATTRACTION for you.
But above and beyond the meeting and attracting men
“stuff”, I also talk about how attraction,
communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term
“stuff” around dating, and creating a solid
foundation for a future relationship.
In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell you the secrets
and truths that lots of women will never know about.
The eBook is called “Catch
Him And Keep Him”.
I've spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men)
who are “naturals”, communicate using their words,
voice tone and body language.
The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And
you probably know what I'm talking about, if you know any women who
seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving
men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.
And I'll tell you... it's not magic.
You don't have to be gorgeous or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she
wants.
But you're not likely to figure it out by “trial and
error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and
want to be around you for the long-term aren't
“obvious”, at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd
do in a particular situation, if you didn't know the SECRETS.
For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.
It's jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.
Go here to check it out:
Click
Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2008, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
Love and Romance, etc.©
Bonnie Williams
Copyright 2008
